Hola Tereza. My fifteen days of PC-(near)fasting is now done.
Please don't feel sorry for me! Big deep dark shadows are difficult to dislodge: even harder than they are to see. This experience was a form of the deep addict's bottom. So with having survived it, all is good.
Yoshiko didn't transcribe this. Her English isn't up to it. These 'hurtful' things I wrote we in fact talked about before I wrote this. I shared with her, when I had at least somewhat claimed my own agency and heart out from the shadowy clutches of co-dependenxcy and ego-expectation, the impact of her 'hurtful' words and behaviour — most of the latter which has not been included in this essay and that includes physical assault/battery. And, tbh, I smiled a little at your focus on my being mean to her as if she was an innocent bystander. Imo, now with reflection, I really needed that hard treatment in order to hit this particular bottom from which I could resiliently arise from that fragile heart into the light of deeper awareness and the associated strength of character-heart that life is asking me to live (At least that is what seems to be in process in me as I do the easy part of physically healing.). And I (we?) can hope that the next shadow-work won't be quite as demanding. What would I be asked to give up the next time!? LoL! Would I actually physically survive it? Hmmmmm. Life really does have a wicked sense of humour.
[A Zen] student named Wiko came to Bodhidharma and said, 'Please teach me." And Bodhidharma said, "go away. I don't want any students."
Next day, Wiko came back and said, "Please, please teach me the dharma." And Bodhidharma said, "You're just one of those people who wants to get enlightened. Go away, don't come back. I don't have time for you." So the next day, Wiko came back and he cut off his arm and he handed it to Bodhidharma and said, "I really want to study with you." And Bodhidharma said, "Okay, what do you want?"
And Wiko said, "My mind is so crazy. Help me put my mind to rest."
[Michael interjects:] Have you ever felt like this? You just want to cut off your mind? My mind is so crazy. Help me put it to rest. I love these kind of questions. They're so vulnerable. Now they're great stories, but if you can imagine being in this position.
You know, it was an Asian tradition that when you really want to go deep in something, you have to cut something off. There's a story that Robert Aitken tells about one of his students in Hawaii. She wanted to be a nun.
So when she was at the age where she could be a nun against her family's wishes, she cut off her ring finger. And about 60 years later, she was interviewed. And it's a beautiful interview.
And she said, in retrospect, I'm glad that that's all I had to give up to do what I really wanted to do. Listen, that wasn't such a big thing to give up to do what I really wanted to do. So that's what this Wiko is saying to Bodhidharma.
So Wiko says, "Help me put my mind to rest." And so Bodhidharma says, "Okay, go find your mind and bring it to me, and I'll put it to rest."
Sunny did in fact visit Oaxaca for two months and we spent some time together, although the dearth of that clearly distressed her. She has since returned to India, while I was convalescing. I haven't asked her if she was consciously looking to be my girlfriend. Although that 'behaviour', if 'true', has an interesting precedent in my life. When I was 55 a young woman drove across the usa to be my girlfriend. Being of the male persuasion, and rather on the denser side of even that defect, I did not see that. I had no idea that was her unstated plan until after she returned to the east coast broken hearted.
It may take some time to catch up on your substack! I have more than three weeks of 'stuff' sitting in my email inboxes. hmmmmmm.
all the best with what is changing. everything changes!
Welcome back 🙏
hola, Mark.
it is great to be 'back.' Where was I again? lol!
my fifteen days of mostly pc abstinence is now technically over. looking forward to talking. And then, in september, getting together!
First, Guy, I'm so sorry you've gone through this physical and emotional trauma. But glad you came back from it healed and transhuman ;-)
Second, Yoshiko has transcribed this essay with all the hurtful things about her?
Third, did 'Sunny' visit and did she want to be your girlfriend?
Hola Tereza. My fifteen days of PC-(near)fasting is now done.
Please don't feel sorry for me! Big deep dark shadows are difficult to dislodge: even harder than they are to see. This experience was a form of the deep addict's bottom. So with having survived it, all is good.
Yoshiko didn't transcribe this. Her English isn't up to it. These 'hurtful' things I wrote we in fact talked about before I wrote this. I shared with her, when I had at least somewhat claimed my own agency and heart out from the shadowy clutches of co-dependenxcy and ego-expectation, the impact of her 'hurtful' words and behaviour — most of the latter which has not been included in this essay and that includes physical assault/battery. And, tbh, I smiled a little at your focus on my being mean to her as if she was an innocent bystander. Imo, now with reflection, I really needed that hard treatment in order to hit this particular bottom from which I could resiliently arise from that fragile heart into the light of deeper awareness and the associated strength of character-heart that life is asking me to live (At least that is what seems to be in process in me as I do the easy part of physically healing.). And I (we?) can hope that the next shadow-work won't be quite as demanding. What would I be asked to give up the next time!? LoL! Would I actually physically survive it? Hmmmmm. Life really does have a wicked sense of humour.
In a recently re-listened to discourse, Michael Stone commented on the demands to give up something physical to truly honour the 'spiritual' demands of yoga and meditation. An interesting story from his podcast 'The Buddha's Last Words': https://podcasts.apple.com/mx/podcast/awake-in-the-world-podcast/id923427517?i=1000569429068
[A Zen] student named Wiko came to Bodhidharma and said, 'Please teach me." And Bodhidharma said, "go away. I don't want any students."
Next day, Wiko came back and said, "Please, please teach me the dharma." And Bodhidharma said, "You're just one of those people who wants to get enlightened. Go away, don't come back. I don't have time for you." So the next day, Wiko came back and he cut off his arm and he handed it to Bodhidharma and said, "I really want to study with you." And Bodhidharma said, "Okay, what do you want?"
And Wiko said, "My mind is so crazy. Help me put my mind to rest."
[Michael interjects:] Have you ever felt like this? You just want to cut off your mind? My mind is so crazy. Help me put it to rest. I love these kind of questions. They're so vulnerable. Now they're great stories, but if you can imagine being in this position.
You know, it was an Asian tradition that when you really want to go deep in something, you have to cut something off. There's a story that Robert Aitken tells about one of his students in Hawaii. She wanted to be a nun.
So when she was at the age where she could be a nun against her family's wishes, she cut off her ring finger. And about 60 years later, she was interviewed. And it's a beautiful interview.
And she said, in retrospect, I'm glad that that's all I had to give up to do what I really wanted to do. Listen, that wasn't such a big thing to give up to do what I really wanted to do. So that's what this Wiko is saying to Bodhidharma.
So Wiko says, "Help me put my mind to rest." And so Bodhidharma says, "Okay, go find your mind and bring it to me, and I'll put it to rest."
Sunny did in fact visit Oaxaca for two months and we spent some time together, although the dearth of that clearly distressed her. She has since returned to India, while I was convalescing. I haven't asked her if she was consciously looking to be my girlfriend. Although that 'behaviour', if 'true', has an interesting precedent in my life. When I was 55 a young woman drove across the usa to be my girlfriend. Being of the male persuasion, and rather on the denser side of even that defect, I did not see that. I had no idea that was her unstated plan until after she returned to the east coast broken hearted.
It may take some time to catch up on your substack! I have more than three weeks of 'stuff' sitting in my email inboxes. hmmmmmm.
all the best with what is changing. everything changes!
I am sending you lots of love, Guy! The world is a better place because you are sharing your gifts with it
🙏❤️👍🧘♂️
y egualmente, as the say spanish.
the same to you — your gifts heal the world.